This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
