This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
