i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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