Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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