This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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