If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
