If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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