a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
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