She's JV to your varsity
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I still have a little drunk in my system
Sorry about my life...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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