sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
