Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
