i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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