I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
