i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
