1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
