Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
When are your genitals available?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
