.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
