I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
