i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
