You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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