I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
