Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
