She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
