I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
