my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
