This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
