About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
