My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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