I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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