I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Hippo gnu deer
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
