I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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