Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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