i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
