i was born a porn star she said
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
