I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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