Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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