I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
