It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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