I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
