What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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