You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
