Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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