So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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