How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
