i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
