just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
