You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize