Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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