my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
