im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
