i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
