Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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