You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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