well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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