she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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