First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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