life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm really busy with my period
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