i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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