he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
