Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i will never coherently bang her
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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