If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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