i was born a porn star she said
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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