Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
