someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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