well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Randomize
