do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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