If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize