for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
