Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
