Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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