Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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