So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
