he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
