I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
