I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
