You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
