My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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