and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
