time to smoke my breakfast
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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