when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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