bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
