If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
