Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
