Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize