Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
