I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
