Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
