I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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