Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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