I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
