Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
