Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
