I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
