i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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