he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
