Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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