You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
