it's too hot outside to masturbate.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
