wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
