Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
