My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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